Evening Hosts Lampoon Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Immigration Plan

Late-night's prominent hosts spent their evening ridiculing ex-President Donald Trump's recently announced visa program, labeled the "gold card," portraying it as a blatant pay-for-access arrangement for the affluent.

Colbert's Sarcastic Spin

Kicking off his show, Stephen Colbert delivered a satirical Christmas jingle targeting the president. "He's making a list, checking it twice, then handing that list to the agents at ICE," he sang. "Trump ... spoils everything he comes into contact with."

The focus was the new program which permits overseas individuals to acquire U.S. legal status for the price of a million dollars, or "top-tier" tier for five million. An official portal pledges approval "faster than ever."

"One note here to rich foreigners: prior to you pay, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert joked.

He explained that the card is also intended to "squeeze cash" from companies wishing to hire foreign workers, with large payments. "That's a lot of fees, however if you enroll, you also get free accommodation at a hotel of your choosing – provided that it's the a specific Marriott," he added.

"Unprecedented vetting the government has before done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to ensure these individuals truly meet the standard to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert responded. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Commentary

On his own program, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the visa program the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"It's a card that will permit affluent foreigners to live here," he said. "For a million bucks, you get official visitor status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one major crime of your choosing."

"It might be time to change that message on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your huddled masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel teased the brevity of the application, noting it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"Exactly, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "It's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Affordability Struggles

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's declining approval numbers during financial worries. "People gave Donald Trump a another term because they were angry about the economy," he noted.

Recently, in a bid to address cost of living, Trump held a briefing in front of a display of grocery items, and behaved peculiarly to some cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."

"He is so incredibly weird," Meyers said. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by mocking conservative news defenses of Trump's financial performance. "Perhaps instead of complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to what FIFA did," he laughed.